Thoughts on Parenting

Protect your kids in case of emergency - Part 1

I can’t imagine dying and leaving my family behind, especially the kids. What would happen to them? How would they cope? Would they miss me at college graduation? Would they long for words of wisdom from me on their wedding day? Would they even remember me? Most days it’s much easier for me to put these terrible worries aside and ignore them. Afterall, whose teeth got brushed and who got breakfast are a little more pressing, or so it seems.

With the tragic and sudden death of actress Natasha Richardson last week, it became much harder for me to ignore those nagging feelings I usually push aside. As the mother of young children and an avid skiier, I couldn’t stop thinking about this tragedy and the lives that have been forever changed in a fleeting moment. It could have easily been me. As I imagined my own family in the same situation, I felt terrible because I know that I’m not thoroughly prepared. None of us ever really are, but there are certainly steps we can take to help those left behind if the unthinkable happens.

I talked with my friend and estate planning attorney, David Edwards, about the most important steps to take in case your worst case scenario becomes reality. He gave me a lot of great advice, too much to fit right here, so over the course of the next week, I’ve decided to do a three part series. Here are the first couple of steps to tackle:

1. Focus on the immediate. If something happens to you when you are away from your kids, would people know who to contact? Put emergency contact information on the fridge, in your purse or wallet, and be sure to give the same information to any  schools, daycares, or churches your child may attend. Put emergency numbers in your cell phone under “ICE” meaning “in case of emergency.” You can even program more than one number (ICE 1, ICE 2, etc.).  
2. Get your finances organized. List your life insurance, banking, and other information. Do you have adequate life insurance (on both spouses) to raise your kids and provide a college education? Don’t forget the stay-at-home mom. How much would it cost to hire her replacement?
3. Brainstorm guardians. This is often the most difficult step in the process for couples. At first don’t try to prioritize, just make two lists:  (1) Write down who you would be OK with raising your kids, and (2) who you would NOT want to raise your kids under any circumstances. To dig in deeper, make a list of issues that could impact your choice (faith, location, age, relationship with your kids, etc.). Be sure to consider good family friends as well as relatives.

While many of us still have an adolescent view of mortality, thinking it will never happen to us, the fact of the matter is car accidents and other accidents like the one we all watched unfold this week are the leading cause of death for parents of young children. Compounding these tragedies is the fact that the majority of them occur without warning –  without a chance to prepare. That’s why it is so crucial to make the time now.

By taking a few uncomfortable moments to prepare for the future, you can minimize the lifetime of pain your family may feel. Be sure to look for Part 2 in this series as we continue an honest look at ways to protect our children and family if the unthinkable should happen.

The Invention Box

It was an unusually rainy day here in Texas, and I don't want to sound unappreciative, but that makes the mother of a preschoolers' life just a little more difficult than usual. As I found myself confronted with the age old question of what to do on a rainy day, I had to push past the obvious (TV) and retrieve the Invention Box.

Cason loves to invent things and create things. Anyone who has visited our house has seen the results of these projects all over the walls. In an effort to foster this passion, we started the Invention Box. It's just a giant plastic tub -- nothing fancy. It's filled with egg crates, paper towel rolls, paper cups, boxes, straws and anything else that seemed interesting and destined for the local landfill -- nothing fancy.

But the things that come out of Cason's brilliant little mind -- they're really fancy! Just last week we had an entire village of Styrofoam dots inhabiting our living room. They had individual rooms, garages, even a swimming pool. Heck, I was ready to move in myself!

It's just amazing to see what a child can do with some trash (clean, of course), tape, string and scissors!

Smashed Fingers, Slamming Doors

The loud bang of the bedroom door was jarring.

“Let me in!” my desperate little preschooler screamed at his sister. His attempt to force open the door was momentarily successful before another huge bang. SLAM! With the door to the bedroom he shares with his sister narrowly missing his precious little fingers, I decided it was time to intervene.

Despite conversation after conversation, I cannot seem to convince the children that there really is no need to slam doors. While watching an old episode of Friends one night, I got the inspiration I needed when I just couldn’t take it anymore and had to find out if, indeed, Matthew Perry was missing a fingertip. A quick search on Google showed blurry, up-close images of the finger. Sure enough it was missing – a nursery school mishap in a door nonetheless! Perfect!

The next day, as another fight ensued and the door got slammed yet again, I jumped into action.

“Do you guys know why I don’t want you slamming the doors?”

Cute little faces upturned, expressions saying, “We’ve been through this a million times, Mommy!”

Robotic little voices repeating, “So we don’t smash our fingers.”

“Yes, it would be really terrible to lose a finger.” Fudging a bit, I say, “I know somebody who’s finger got slammed in a door at preschool,” building importance I weigh my timing and inflection carefully, “and now… his fingertip... is missing. It’s GONE… forever.”

“I WANT TO SEE!” Jack screamed with great enthusiasm.

Not exactly the reaction I was going for, but, what the heck. I’ve probably already scarred him for life. Back to Google and the somewhat disturbing images of Matthew Perry’s missing fingertip. More discussion about the pros and cons of slamming doors and a desperate hope that maybe, just maybe something might get through this time.

But just in case, we came up with a very inexpensive backup: a 3-4 inch section of pipe insulation with a semi-slit that fits perfectly over the bedroom door and makes it impossible to slam -- a simple, inexpensive solution to a very common problem. Shhhh! Don’t tell the multi-million dollar baby safety industry!

I Hate Messes

Easter is a distant memory now. The candy has been secretly thrown away or at least that was the idea. Not-so-stealth Mommy was caught by Jack who protested in decibels almost unheard by the human ear, but unfortunately for me, the key word here is almost. And yet, Easter is still with us in the millions of tiny colored dots that still find their way into our life.

I've had to make many compromises in my life as a parent -- many more than I ever imagined. A lot of these compromises center around messes. I'm always carefully weighing how developmentally beneficial things like finger painting and playing in mud are versus the real time nightmare of cleaning it all up. This time I think I went a little too far. I'm a sucker for my kids' laughter.

Motivated by Cason's joyful squeal upon breaking a confetti egg on Duane's head, and because we had to get up so early for church on Easter, I gave in and let the children break their Cascarones in the house. I have a feeling we'll still have confetti living with us by the time Easter rolls around again.

Note to self: Do not let the children break Cascarones in the house. No matter how dark, wet or muddy it may be outside, under no circumstances are you to let this happen again. Remember The Dots!