I just read an article about a recent study that indicates that there may be a relationship between breastfeeding and children's intelligence. (If you're interested, follow that up with a commentary post on one of my favorite blogs, SavvyDaddy). Without getting into all the arguments about the flaws of such a study and how the media over-simplifies research to sensationalize and make a point, I did take something away from it.
I wish I could breastfeed.
Or, rather, I wish I could have breastfed my children. There is truth in the observation that breastfeeding moms have a special, tender connection with their children that simply cannot be skipped, missed, or otherwise ignored. Every few hours, they have to retreat to a quiet place and have a loving, gentle and nourishing interaction with their babies during which everything else must stop.
It's really this kind of focused attention that I need to direct toward my children. Though they are older now (5 and 3, almost 6 and 4), they still need that kind of direct, one-on-one attention and connection that nursing would provide. As a dad, I'm less apt to realize the importance of this, since I never nursed my children. However, it's still possible to give them this attention several times per day.
I'm ashamed to admit that I can think back through the past few days and remember specific times when my kids asked for my attention, and I responded with phrases like, "not right now," or "in a minute," or even "I can't." They are literally craving that connection with me and I'm too easily convinced that there are more important or urgent matters to attend to. This is where the rubber meets the road, and despite all the talk about being a good dad, if I'm ignoring them in order to "get stuff done," then I don't deserve to think of myself as a good dad.
The conclusion to all of this is that I was reminded of a strategy I once heard that calls for giving your kids short bursts of your undivided attention throughout the day. These bursts of attention can be short (to you), but even 5 minutes of your complete attention 3 or 4 times a day can go a long way in increasing the connection between you and your kids. While I find this difficult at times, as a busy dad it is a great reminder of the need to set aside all my other concerns and think about nothing but my kids. Hopefully, the next time my kids ask me to do something or look at something they have created or play a game they have invented, I won't just give a cursory acknowledgment of their request. I hope I am man enough to put aside whatever I'm working on and give them what they really want and need -- me.
So were you writing about my life? I can totally relate to not giving them just 5 minutes of time because I have to fold laundry, or unload the dishwasher, or make dinner, ... I do breastfeed my youngest, but that may be the only time I sit down all day. Thank you for the reminder that the dinner can be five minutes later and we will not starve. Taking a few minutes break with them helps to clear up the behavior problems that seem to crop up when Mom is "busy" too.
Posted by: Heidi | June 26, 2008 at 12:42 PM