Who is teaching your kids?

Sometimes I'm a little impatient when I play sports with my kids. They're 5 and 3, so they can't really do anything yet. Selfishly, it's not much fun to play soccer, baseball, or Frisbee when there are that many drops, misses, and wild throws. I actually caught myself yesterday wishing that someone ELSE could teach my daughter how to play Frisbee so I wouldn't have to.

Then she caught one.

And there it was. After a few more tries, a perfect throw. Then another catch. We were playing Frisbee, and she was thrilled to be mastering a new skill. I was proud and happy for her, and that's why I really, truly, want to be the one to teach her so many things.

So I started thinking, "what else do we ask others to teach our kids?" Would I be willing to let someone else (for free or a fee) teach my kids...
...to hit a tennis ball?
...to ski?
...to play soccer?
...to ride a bike?
...to tie their shoes?
...to tell time?
...to cook?

Of course, we often pay others to teach them some things that we can't do ourselves. For example, I would have to pay someone else to teach my kids...
...to play piano.
...to play violin.
...to draw.
...to dance.

Then there is the academic side of things. Do I really need someone else to teach them...
...to read?
...to write?
...to count?
...to add and subtract?
...to read a map?
...to understand the natural world?

Then I realized that most children who attend school are learning from someone other than their parent(s) how to...
...resolve conflict.
...communicate effectively.
...solve problems.
...make decisions.
...relate to others (adults and children).
...show empathy and compassion (or not).
...be kind and generous (or not).
Not to mention developing their entire world-view under someone else's watch.

Of course, we don't live in an ideal world, and many parents have to work full-time to make ends meet, so their kids have to go somewhere (like school). I also know that there will be times when I need others to teach my kids complex subjects I know nothing about (like calculus). I just wonder how many of us actually think about what we're trading when we send our 6-year-old children to someone else for 6, 7, or even 8 hours a day.

Raising children (or, as some would call it, raising adults) is the most important job I have ever had, but nobody pays me for it. I put in my time, energy, sweat, blood, and tears, and no one will see any results until my kids are grown. I don't know about you, but if they make it -- that is, if they become successful, well-adjusted, intelligent leaders in the world -- I want some credit for their success, even though it means risking the blame for their failures. Besides, I have a hunch that teaching my kids to read will be even more fulfilling than teaching them to catch a frisbee!

So, parents, I'd love for you to weigh in on this one. There are lots of reasons to have others teach your kids, and lots of reasons not to. I'd like to know what you have chosen to let someone else teach them, and what you are reserving for yourself, and maybe a brief thought on why you decided what you did.

Comments

[Julie Lundquist]

I recently quit my job working at a pre-school/child care center to stay home with my ten month old daughter. When she turned a year old I could start taking her to work with me but I decided not to do that. It was my job to teach children the things you're talking about....everything from how to resolve conflicts and be a good friend to the basic skills of life like how to go to the bathroom and wash your hands.

It is a hard job to remain patient in and some days I forgot that it was my job to teach them...the days when we had 17 children in our class and it seemed like everyone was having bathroom accidents and fighting. That kind of environment on it's worst days wasn't where I wanted my daughter to be learning. I knew I wouldn't be able to focus on her when I was trying to focus on all the other children at the same time.

Now I'm home with my daughter 7 days a week while my husband works 7 days a week and there are days when I become very frustrated and wonder if I made the right decision. Sometimes I think it would be easier on me if someone else was teaching her but I'm learning as a parent that the things that are easy can create really bad habits that are so much harder to change later on. Like it's so much easier to stick a pacifier in a crying mouth instead of figuring out what the real problem is, it's so much easier to let something slide this one time and it becomes a bad habit. It may be so much easier to have someone else teach my daughter but it won't be easier later on to correct bad habits or ideas that she may have learned.

If I took her to work with me she most likely would learn all the things I think she needs to learn. She would probably turn out just fine. But hopefully with me staying home to teach her she will turn out just a little bit better than fine.

[elisa]

I'm amazed at how many people say, "I did ______ (fill in the blank) growing up and I turned out just fine."

Is fine really all you want for your child? What happened to wanting something better for your child than yourself? I know it may be borderline delusional, but I want amazingly wonderful things for my children.

I want them to be truly happy with who they are as people. I want them to find the thing they do better than anyone else on this planet. I want them to leave this world a better place than they found it, and I believe that an abundant amount of love and attention growing up will allow them to freely give their love to others. Sadly, in our busy world today, many children hoard the love they receive, running around trying to protect themselves from this crazy world they are navigating virtually alone.

[julie]

Maybe I should change the last sentence..."with me staying home hopefully she will turn out a whole lot better than fine."

My husband pulls that with me wanting Piper to eat healthy. I don't buy the yogurt that has high fuctose corn syrup in it. He told me, "I grew up eating it..blah blah...I'm fine. (that is sometimes debate-able :-)) I tell him there is a lot more disease, a lot more developmental disabilities and I'm not saying high fructose corn syrup is the cause of those things but something is causing it. So why not use the knowledge we have so that she can live a healthier life. I mean no one will tell you high fructose corn syrup is good for you.

He came home last night with about 10 containers of the yogurt I don't buy. It seems so silly to fight over yogurt but I'm totally annoyed. Maybe you should talk about this...how does one parent get their child to make good healthy decisions when the other parent is a bad influence nutritionally...I feel like it's going to be a constant struggle between a parent who has a background in nutrition and a parent who is excited about buying his daughter her first happy meal.

[Francie]

Wow, we make so many sacrifices for our families in order to achieve what we think will make our children "the best they can be" and I think that is WONDERFUL! But, until we've walked the road how do we know that what we chose was the best path? I guess we just need to have faith in ourselves and in our kids that everything will turn out the way "it's supposed to". One day I had a really interesting conversation with Ms. Mary, our preschool teacher about how I feel preschool is very important to kids. She said she agreed, but would probably not send her own children to preschool since she is in fact a preschool teacher. I followed that with telling her about so many ideas and concepts that she introduced to the kids that I would not have thought of, or thought the kids wouldn’t "get it". I suggested that having someone else help to guide your child in learning can help open them up to ideas that as parents we might skip or think aren't important. She said since she’s not a parent she hadn’t thought of it that way and it was a whole new perspective on teaching. Now...how to control those ideas and concepts if we don't agree?? Don't know, but is that so bad also? Isn't learning to question important also? I think so. It's a fine line to walk and a hard decision to make. Especially when we're talking about those most precious to us, or KIDS!

[Duane Cottrell]

Yep. Francie, it's fear that always creeps in for me too. How do we know if what we're doing is right? We don't. But how do we know if what someone else is doing is right? We STILL don't. And in the end, I'd rather have faith in myself than in someone else.

As for the influence of others, I agree with that wholeheartedly. I think it takes a "village" made up of family and friends, and I hope we can continue to surround our kids with loving, kind adults to help shape them in ways we could never think of. I think that's why Cornerstone (www.cornerstone-cooperative.org) is so great for the kids. Not because of the teachers, but because of the other parents like you!

[Elissa]

From a homeschool mom...I love your paragraph:
"Then I realized that most children who attend school are learning from someone other than their parent(s) how to..." This is one of the big factors for me. American Society, as a whole, is failing. There are not enough families willing to stop cycles already in place from previous generations, and there are not enough families willing to put their kids first. How much can a teacher do? And do you (generalized you) even know what the teacher's views are on things she is imparting to your kids?!

Very well written, I'm sure I'll be linking to this!